Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Taking Charge: The Beginning

I've always had issues with my weight... at least it has always been so as far as I can remember.  As a wee-lad (less than about 5 years old), I was fairly skinny.  It really wasn't until I started attending school that I began to pack on the pounds.  Part of it was due to poor choice of food (I'm told there was a spread of about 2 years that I would only eat ravioli).
The main cause, I believe, was a comfort defense mechanism, a way to seek comfort from food when I felt alone, depressed, or even bored.  Much of this came from the alienation I felt as a child due to my speech impediment (though no one can tell now, I am a Stutterer and Stammerer--the first half of my life was spent barely being able to say two words in a row without hitting the blockage).  Children being the way they are, this speech issue did nothing to endear me to their hearts: in fact, it was prime ammunition to set me apart, ammunition to be thrown in my face at every opportunity.  This of course led to alienation, which led to overeating for comfort, which in turn led to more alienation as I became "LardAss".
Ah, the vicious circle, one literally feeding the other.
Fast forward to the end of high school about 20 years ago.  At this time (and right after navy bootcamp), I achieved my lowest weight, due to exercise and proper eating.  At this time, I ended up weighing around 180 pound, at 5'-11" in height--I wasn't built nor was I muscular, but at this time I was in the best shape of my life (see picture to the right).
Since then, my weight has been up and down.  Work, marriage, parenthood, and stresses large and small all led to additional depression, anger, frustration, and general angst. And what was there to comfort me? You got it: food, my old friend. In the last 18 years since I left bootcamp, my weight has slowly increased, due to poor eating, overeating, and a lack of physical activity. In the last 5-10 years by weight has really picked up, to the point where I am ashamed to be seen.
I am not only fat... I am in the realm of obesely fat.  While I have gained more muscle mass than my earlier version (about 20+ pounds of muscle), I have gained much more in the way of fat.  I am now 270 pounds and I need to take charge of my life and health.  I want to be happy looking in the mirror again.  I want to enter a room and not try to suck in the gut.  I want to feel confident that people are looking at me and not my double chin. Dammit, I want my life back from this evil, insidious disease (and a disease it is, this thing called obesity).
Over the next year I will chronicle my journey toward health and fitness again. I'll detail my eating habits, my exercise habits, and my weight loss. For this first foray, I'm giving myself a kick in the hind-side (and humiliating myself) by posting pictures of me as I am now, in all my "cuddly" glory. As the weeks go by, I'll post updated pictures so you can see my progress... and so you can kick me in the butt if I stray.  For now, I'm in the planning phase... I'll be posting more as my plans start to take fruition.


  1. You are a brave man! And I'll be following....I should literally be following. I saw pictures of my and my ass the other day. Dear Sweet Lord, my ass. My ass should be named as she is a whole other person.

  2. Thanks Karen! You and your ass rawks! I hope you both enjoy me and my journey... just not too much mind you... the neighbors would talk. Unless you are enjoying in private and then it's ok... ;-P